This video had me thinking about something I haven't in a while-- miscarriage. I haven't thought about it, not because I'm trying to forget, but because God has given me total peace about the 2-miscarriages I've had. But it took a while.
After our 3rd child, I got pregnant and miscarried around 2 months. I was devastated. I had previously had very normal pregnancies (3 in fact), so this was a shock. Only with God's help did I get through that horrible time. I learned a lot of things. I learned to trust God and lean on Him for everything. I also learned to praise HIM for everything.
(21 And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”)
Not long after this miscarriage I got pregnant again. I was VERY scared. Everything seemed to be going fine. I was gaining weight really quickly. I had bought a thing to hear the heartbeat online just to reassure myself that everything was fine. It came in the mail and I opened it used it and couldn't find a heartbeat. I knew something was wrong. Just days before we had been at the Dr and found two heartbeats, they thought I was having twins(I am also a twin). So they scheduled me to come back in a week to check. I was almost 3 1/2 months at this point. We went to the doctor that morning and had the ultrasound. When the tech looked at us in the middle of doing the ultrasound she said, "There is no baby. Are you sure about your dates". We were very confused. I was in a daze, nothing seemed real. I went into the doctor's office to be told what was going on. I found out I had a Molar pregnancy. I had never heard of this. So not only did I have a molar pregnancy but to go with that you have to have about a year of blood testing to make sure it isn't cancerous. Wow! I really had to hang on to my Savior at this point--very tightly. I always wondered why this was happening.
(6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,)
15 Surely then you will lift up your face without blemish; you will be secure and will not fear. 16 You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away. 17 And your life will be brighter than the noonday; its darkness will be like the morning. 18 And you will feel secure, because there is hope; you will look around and take your rest in security. 19 You will lie down, and none will make you afraid; many will court your favor.
After all of this I got pregnant with my now almost 2 year old son. When I found out I was pregnant with Him, I had a very hard time being excited for him to come. I always thought something would happen. Here's a blog post I wrote when I was pregnant with him:
Jeff and I just found out we are expecting again. We are excited but nervous at the same time. We have had two miscarriages in the last two years so we aren't telling many people yet about this one, although I'm dying to tell everyone. I went to the doctor yesterday for my first ultrasound. I got to see the baby and hear the heartbeat at 121 beats per minute. They said everything looks really good. I just keep praying and asking God to help me not worry and just give me peace right now. I just pray we get to keep this baby. Every little tinge and funny thing that comes out of me makes me a little nervous. I know that worrying will not change what will happen. I pray God keeps me from worrying about everything. Jeff is SO excited He wants to tell everyone. He probably already has:) When I heard that little tiny baby's heartbeat..I just cried. Such a sweet sound. I hope We get to keep you! We already love you so much!
I wanted to write this because I know a lot of women struggle with miscarriage and getting pregnant. It's hard. It's draining. It's lonely.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him,you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, 9 obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
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Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.